Do you ever feel unwanted?
Despite that people often see me as the person who always loved by everyone, know how to control my emotion and easy to pick up a conversation; I’m a very insecure person. And you will surprised on how many times I actually feel unwanted by the society.
Yes. I’m very insecure. I have trust issues. The number of people I trust outside of my main family member is zero.
I might be loud at voice. I laugh at anything. I smile over anything. When in the same time I am really worried about how people actually think about me. How they might misjudge me. How they might hate me for a reason I don’t know. How I can be left alone anytime.
I hate this. I hate this lonely feeling when I’m actually in the middle of a crowd. I hate this empty feeling when everyone is actually cheering at me.
I hate it.
So much, that I can explode.
I hate that I can trust no one to express my true feelings. I hate that I found no one truly understand what inside my head. I hate that no one ever stay for real. I hate that I can’t even be brave enough to love someone, because I can’t find anyone I can trust.
I hate it, so much.
And this is the first time I ever wrote something that full of hatred.
9 months before she's turning 20,